Learning English: December 2020

Tuesday 22 December 2020

What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas
Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn
Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have
How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
It’ll take ages to flatten the curve
How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year’s staff Christmas party?
Just put him on mute
How is Christmas exactly like your job?
You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.
Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa?
Because he struggles in the poles.
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.

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